Why does work feel bad? Why thinking about choices at the office could be helpful.

So I have this one pet peeve. I wonder if this has happened to you.

It’s a gorgeous day outside or the day before a holiday, and my boss walks by my office, as he does, props himself in the doorway to my office. We chat about spouses and the weather for a minute, then talk about current projects. As he goes to walk away, he says “it’s gorgeous outside (almost the holiday, whatever), you’ve been working hard lately, why don’t you go home early today?”

So the pet peeve is when someone with power, my boss, boss's boss etc., tells me that I can “take the afternoon off.”

That sounds nice, right? So why is it such an annoyance? And what does this have to do with choice?

Well, at first I couldn’t figure out quite why it bugged me (other than I don’t like it when people tell me what to do, yes, I know, something I’m working with my therapist about). 

Then I started learning more about what it looks like to be trauma-informed in my work and coaching and also how to create a safe attachment with my kid.

So a little background. For me personally, I’ve always held a position where I don’t have to track my hours. I reported my hours in half and full days essentially. My responsibility was that projects get done rather than that I was working a certain amount of hours. Which I want to acknowledge is a privilege. If that is not you, think about this story in terms of being about consistency of messaging, or not at all. We all have different needs and experiences. 

If the case is that I manage my time and make sure that I get projects done on time, when my boss comes by to tell me that I can “take the afternoon off,” it is an example of me not having the ability to manage my time. If my boss can tell me to take the afternoon off, they can also tell me that I have to work at a particular time.

Giving employees the ability to make choices in the workplace, whether about their time or a particular project can be a tricky thing.

I realized this one day while working with one of my employees on an institution-wide project. It was important to me that she felt she had autonomy in the project. One day I asked when she would update me on the status of that project. She responded that she would give me her report on Friday. So on Thursday, when I started to get nervous about the project, I reached out to her and asked for an update. She let me know that the project was on schedule.

After we got off the phone, my stomach dropped. I realized that by following up before her deadline, I sent the message that she did not have autonomy in the project and that my priorities and timeline superseded hers, without acknowledging that was the case. Whether or not that was my impact, at the time, I did not know. I checked in with her about it later. (which is also difficult given my role as her supervisor).

Right now, folks are saying that employee flexibility is a staple in the workplace, to choose where and when you work.

I think it is important to reframe flexibility as employee choice. It takes a workplace tactic “workplace flexibility” to an empowered action “employee choice.”

On top of that, the ability to make choices in the workplace is just as much about consistency as it is about opportunities for choosing to set your work hours or deadlines or boundaries. Both of these stories are examples about how seemingly small actions on the part of a supervisor can give an employee confusing messages. Sometimes we notice these kinds of messages (like I do with my pet peeve) pretty clearly in our minds, sometimes we don’t? Our bodies are taking all of this messaging in.

I am offering you these examples about choice and consistency as a possible frame for you in your work.

Does it help name a sense that things “just don’t feel good?”

Does it give you some insight as to why your employees react in particular ways to you?

I don’t know what your or your employees’ experiences are like. What does choice and consistency look like for you and them?